It is important to remember when reading this that Dr X is Jamaican and any dialogue of his must be done in an accent and with the relaxed hand in the air gesture….
Nurse: Oh great – you gained 2lbs and your BP is very good
My Head: Wow – good news and with only one toxic (but delicious) trip to checkers burgers
Nurse: Ok, disrobe from the waist down and drape the cloth and Dr X will be in shortly...
Dr X enters the room – we have small talk and then he ‘goes in’ for the exam…
Dr X: Oh yes, the baby is VERY low in your pelvis
My Head: Yes – I HAD noticed… and so did everyone else when I walk… Per Alex – you are walking like a duck now… per all the ladies at work – OH NOT LONG NOW! J
Dr X: But your cervix is still closed, so we have plenty of time
My Head: If you consider 4 weeks plenty of time to prepare and get the house ready – whilst working full time and going to 2 baby showers, 1 wedding and 2 parties for 2 year olds…
Me: So if I go into labour should I follow the 1:5:1 rule for going to hospital and calling you (contractions for 1 minute, 5 minutes apart for 1 hour or more)…
Dr X: Where do you hear this stuff… no no no, don’t worry – just go to hospital when you become too uncomfortable to be at home
My Head: Holy ambiguity…
Me: And should I call you then also?
Dr X: oh no – just go into hospital and they will find me….
My Head: Oy vey…
So basically – when I am too uncomfortable to be at home go in and they will find him.. thank god we are having a doula – I mean I could feel too uncomfortable after 1 hour of labour – or I could end up with the head half way out if left to me… But it is nice to have someone relaxed and not worrying too and getting me all worked up – as I am prone to be!
In other news – my hair line mole was an Actinic Keratoses – a precancerous growth – so it got burned off with the news that if I had not come in it would have become cancerous… so keep an eye on things and checkups every 6 months. Oh the joys of growing up in the sunshine state and being a sun whore!
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
1 year ago
HAHAHA. Glad all is well, but I can imagine that the ambiguity is a little unsettling when you really have no idea what to expect. Anyway, glad the mole is no big deal...luckily, my genetic inability to tan has saved me from that sort of thing -- so far, anyway.
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